Rhonda Parker Taylor

Rhonda Parker Taylor is an entrepreneur, academic researcher, and American writer with her debut novel “Crossroads” that came out in 2023. We chat about Rhonda's journey through writing Crossroads and go into what emotional intelligence (EQ) is. You can find all of her content on her website rhondaparkertaylor.com.

Transcript

Intro Song

Rob Valincius: We're back with the Drink Glock podcast. I am your lovely host, Rob Valincius. I don't have the hair that I used to, but here we are. And it's, it's the, the, the, um, paying for my choices in my, in my early twenties, I think, um, and I have the benefit of having with me. Rhonda Parker. Now, Rhonda, you're an entrepreneur, you're an academic researcher, and you're also an American writer.

Um, you had your debut novel, which is Crossroads. Welcome to

Rhonda Parker Taylor: Well, thank you. Thank you. And I appreciate you having me and showing up at 630 at night. My that's amazing. You late night workers. So let's let's have some fun. And I hope anybody and everybody out there listening. Make sure you have your headphones on and you're driving free. You know, free handed there.

You got all your hands in there because we're going to have some fun tonight.

Rob Valincius: I gotta tell you, um, I don't know where I'd be with that. Like, I'm not a alright. So I went through, uh, In my 20s, all I would listen to is music, right? That's all I listened to on the radio. I had to listen to music. And growing up, I was the same way, right? So we'll say anything pre 27, 28. Then I started to get into moving on to not necessarily audiobooks at the time, but I really I got away from like blaring my music and, you know, I, I hit that, that 30 year old mark.

And then that's when I started to transition to, I started to listen to audio books a little bit. Um, and for me, I have about, I've always had a long drive to work outside of when I was, you know, younger and, you know, some of my first jobs are around the corner. My drives have always been. 40 ish minutes.

It's for some reason that's just where, where it lands me every time. Um, and so I moved into audiobooks and now really, and podcasts and you know, I listen to a lot of friends podcasts and you know, Joe Rogan and some of the bigger ones, Kill Tony, stuff like that. But, um, Recently, I just, I strictly listen to audiobooks.

For me, it's a lot about, um, either the imagination piece. I listen to a lot of fiction, um, from, from just novels that I really like. And then, uh, a lot of non fiction, which I recently started to do more of. Uh, because for me, it's absorbing new information I didn't know before. Um, I really, I really like that.

Um. And it also gives me different things to talk about with, with either guests or, you know, I'm, I'm a member of other podcasts and stuff. So, um, sometimes we need different talking points and, uh, you know, when you're listening to history, um, and you listen to things that are a little off Kelter, you end up absorbing some, some interesting facts and things that you wouldn't know otherwise.

So, um. I love interviewing authors, especially, um, because you, you, you guys always have some, some interesting tidbits about where you got to, how the book started, the writing process. We're going to get into that today. So, um, you know, Rhonda, talk to me about like growing up, you know, um, you know, you, you obviously have an extensive background in teaching and training.

Uh, I was going to list all your degrees, but I figured if you want to talk about them, you could at some point, cause you got a lot of them. Um, yeah. Talk to me about up to the point where you got to, uh, or thought of, uh, getting into writing your

Rhonda Parker Taylor: Well, for me, I think I was very similar to you in the 20s. I had that free spirit, had to have music on, be social. Only I'd have my windows down and my arm out, you know, floating with the air and, um, Nobody would have really thought, you talked about my degrees, that that's where the, the path that I would have taken.

I was not considered smart. I was not considered academic. I wasn't considered, um, even as a person that they would have thought wrote, would write a book, let alone a fiction novel and become a best selling author. Now, they may have thought I was gonna throw a good social party, or they may have thought that I might, you know, might, um, You know, be an administrator somewhere, but that just wasn't what people's expectations of me were because I focused so much on getting to know people.

I love people. So that's why training and development is so important to me from the academic and. business aspect of things, but for writing, it allowed me to explore a whole new world. I loved reading. I, I loved the whodunit thrillers. And then I started when I, when I was writing, I was like, you know what, wouldn't it be fun to completely entertain people, write a bestselling, um, crime novel, and then switch it up and take my training and development And help write another book that would allow people to pick those characters apart that they identified with and their weaknesses.

So I made every single character in Crossroads out of balance, out of life balance. So one's dedicated to, to work, they're a workaholic. And then I, I made, um, one dedicated to law and order, which is the prosecutor. Then I had another one that, character that was dedicated to their friends and he's the co defendant and has to decide whether he's going to turn state on his best, his friend that he's known since he was, you know, a child.

And the journey to doing it was more about the exploration of people after I got started. So what started out as I wanted to tell a great story, and I really, you know, everybody has the dream of becoming a best selling author. But it really, it, but really, it was about, once I got into it, who are these people?

What are they, what are they like? If I hung out with them, what would we be talking about? You know, what would they be doing? What kind of good decisions would they be making? What kind of bad decisions were they gonna make? And, and they all ended up being almost like a friend to me. You know, because I realized that the humanistic aspects of their characters.

And, so. What I thought I was doing was proving to myself that I could do it with a maybe a dream that maybe, hey, maybe it'll become a best selling novel. But then what I really ended up doing was finding. Creating a model that I think that I can duplicate in other fashions. So this one's about life balance and it also explores three negative emotions, which is anger, fury, and envy, which all could cause a crime.

And then I'm like, Oh, well, my next one could be on people having the victim, victim, victim mentality. And how do we break that? And so it kind of created this model for not only entertainment. But also self help at the end too, where people can say, Oh, wait a minute, you know, I really think I need to dig into this myself because, hey, I am completely destroying my life by comparing myself and having envy, or my anger is out of control and I could, could be, could act like, you know, peewee, you know, and so all of these things then can be brought to us and we can say, Hey, we had an entertaining time.

And we played a game of Clue for, for, while you read it, but now let's talk about us and how we can improve ourselves.

Rob Valincius: Yeah, you put a lot of yourself into the book, right? I mean, so these characters aren't just your friends to a certain degree. They're, they're kind of a piece of you as

Rhonda Parker Taylor: I think every single character has a piece of me and a piece of maybe what if something would happen. Yeah, like, for instance, people are saying, well, you, you know, you were, you were never, you know. Killed and then ditched on a railroad track, so that character doesn't have anything to do with you. No, but we've all been victimized and put ourselves in a situation before where it could have been us, you know, getting in a, in the car with people that we didn't really know well enough or that, you know, we shouldn't have trusted, you know, where it could have very easily been one of us or we could have been the one that got in the car with somebody and had to You know, try to get ourselves out of legal trouble.

You know, maybe they've been drinking and driving. Maybe they, you know, we, we make decisions. We could be the workaholic, which, you know, we all have a tendency, if you want to excel, to put all of our focuses in, into the work, especially in the Midwest. We're taught, we're taught that your work is your identity, so you better work, and you better work hard, and that's who you are, and that's the way it goes.

So, Yeah, I would say all of them have a bit of me, but then they let me explore the what ifs and what could and what should and all those questions that maybe we didn't see and experience, but we could have had things gone different directions. That's why it's called Crossroads.

Rob Valincius: That's awesome. That's awesome. I like that. Um, This is the question I always ask authors because it's my favorite one to ask. What was your writing process like? You know, I've had people where they, they would, they wrote their novels in a bar because they liked the noise and, and people and, and things like that.

Or, and then I've had authors that just, they had to be isolated totally by themselves. It's the only way they could write, you know, no noise, you know, things like that. What was your writing process like? And, um, talk to me about why you decided the novel to be a

Rhonda Parker Taylor: Well, I would say it was all of those scenarios, depending on my, I'm kind of a, a mood and emotion person. So, for me, the one thing that I tell anybody that wants to write a novel, because it is a very daunting process, get the story out.

One page a day, and it's done in a year. 365 pages. But you may not get, The story may only at first be 50 pages, but get the story done, get you know who your characters are. Well for me, once I started developing the characters, I'm like, oh, let's go shopping. What do they wear? What's their house look like?

Let's, I even go as far as doing what they call in, in, um, the medical community, a soap note, which in, Soap note is your whole medical history and that of your family. So when you, they ask all those questions of you in the, at the doctor's office, they're documenting when you broke your ankle, when you broke your nose, when you had a cold, you know, measles and anything that may have affected you.

And then I do a DSM five, which is the mental health assessment on them. They may not all have a. Mental health disorder, but they may be on what they call on the scale of something. They may have four of the five characteristics of Depression or and then I know how they're gonna act because then they'll it tells you right there It's it's not a guessing game of how they're going to act.

They're gonna it tells you if someone has anxiety And they're in a stressful situation, they feel like they're gonna have a heart attack. If they have emphysema, and they're in a stressful situation, they can't breathe. And so, it makes it so that you don't have writer's block. Because you can always write about something in the room.

Something that, you know, was going on, a thought, or a memory of something that happened to them when they were a child because you've already got it documented and thought out. So for me, that's the most important. Get the story out and then go back and fill it in with all the back stories and and then eventually if you do one page a day, you're done in a year.

It's over with. Now you can do it faster but if you Stay committed. That's the thing. You have to be committed.

Rob Valincius: Interesting.

Rhonda Parker Taylor: And so sometimes you may do three pages, four pages, five pages because you get on a roll. But if, even when you're, when things are hectic in your life and you can't sit down, most people don't get the luxury of going and sitting themselves in a cabin for, and, and knocking out a book.

Because they have to eat, they have families, they've got all these other things.

Rob Valincius: bills to pay.

Rhonda Parker Taylor: to pay because you're not going to be rich unless you become Grisham and you know Grisham actually sold on the Time to Kill only 2, 000 books the first time. The first press run he only sold 2, 000 books. So,

Rob Valincius: Yeah, I think, I think for you too, it's, it's, it's interesting that you say that because I think, um, that's a great way to handle it. Not just the one page a day, but getting the story. Because you can always plug in more. But if you have that beginning, middle, and end, then you can really fill in pieces and, and I guess, uh, uh, flesh it out to where you want

Rhonda Parker Taylor: And you can start asking about what people really desire to see. You know, when, like, for instance, um, when I had Crossroads, I mean, it was done. It already got to a traditional publisher. They'd accepted it. They were ready to go. And then they pulled after two years. So you've got to be ready for the ups and downs.

But then I was talking to Meinster, the People that helped me publish Crossroads after that and they were like, well, what quotes are quotable? And it's not something I'd ever even thought about but in today's marketing world You know that is something you can go in and you can plug in quotes if you want it to have biblical Parts of it, then you can throw a biblical quote in there.

If you want, you know, philosophical thoughts, then you can throw it. But, you know, what is it that you want the leader, the, the reader to come out with? The one thing I've learned from book signings over anything else, which I love book signings more than I, maybe even my dog, is that everybody comes in to the bookstore with one mission. To find their next greatest escape. What is it that's going to entertain them? It could be Legos. It could be a book. It could be a self help, you know, journal. It could be, but it's, what is it that's going to entertain them and take them from the world they're in today and either improve them? Help them expand their thoughts and their knowledge or something there.

That's the mission is that great escape. And for me, I want to know how I can make that escape better. You know, first, you know, I was told crossroads will not be your best book ever written. And I was like, well, you know, let's. Probably true because you learn a lot. I like crossroads. I love crossroads, you know, it was my baby, you know, and But at the same time I have more in me and I did write five of them and there's a series each one has a main Character when I was writing it Ah, my problem is I was too fearful to complete the job and go out there and find a publisher And I'm sure there's lots of people that are out there doing that.

Rob Valincius: Yeah, I actually had someone on, um, maybe it was like four or five podcasts ago and, uh, they were writing a story. It was, uh, it was, it's pretty touching story. Guy, uh, was playing college football and broke his back and, uh, but he went on to go back to that college, but he was a paraplegic in or quadriplegic.

I'm sorry. Um, in, you know, the eighties and seventies, eighties, nineties, when, Things weren't friendly to quadriplegics, paraplegics, to people with disabilities, but he's got, you know, all these degrees and he was a litigator you know and he's got a pretty compelling story, but they were trying to find a publisher for for their book as well because I know those things could be tough.

You know, it's I guess as an author. What is the most annoying thing? Um, behind the scenes that you have to deal with it. Is it the publishing? Is it the, um, conceptualization? Like what is it?

Rhonda Parker Taylor: for me

Rob Valincius: For you. For you.

Rhonda Parker Taylor: it's finishing, letting it go, quit, quit tinkering, keep, quit, you know, and then I'll, because I, I, I'm a self proclaimed ADHD, um, which means I have four or five projects and it's like, I'll go from one to the other and I not, and I should be finishing the one and then finishing the next and it's, but they, you know, so for me,

Rob Valincius: I do the same thing. I do the same

Rhonda Parker Taylor: just get too many things going sometimes.

So I would say that's the most annoying, it's myself. And then the second most annoying thing, probably, social media is your friend. But I would say it's a lot of the spammers that when you, um, that want to, I can do your marketing, I can do this, I can do that. And I, I'm always open to a real person that can get real results, but it's very easy in the market, in the marketing of the book publishing industry.

To hear a bunch of bells and whistles and fall for the bells and the whistles and not realize that it's you that has to sell the book. You're not, nobody can sell the book more than you can. Get yourself in some bookstores and start talking to some people and you're gonna sell some books. Now, don't get me wrong, I sell books, you know, on Amazon every day.

But, it's, and that is my friend, I love Amazon in that way. because it can sell books while I'm sleeping. But I have to be out there talking to people and it doesn't matter whether you're an introvert or not. You know, you still have to realize that the book is a product. You know, and that, as an artist, I hate that sometimes, because you don't want to think of it as a product.

But, you know, your toothpaste isn't going to get sold if you don't have some pearly whites smiling and saying that's the way their teeth got that way. So, if you can't sell your book, why is someone going to buy it?

Rob Valincius: it's true. And you know what? In the world we live in, social media is a blessing and a curse, right? You know, because it doesn't take much these days for there to be a, like a shit show. Shitstorm, right? Um, you know, and, and, um, you see that a lot with, you know, especially if, uh, sensitive things like the, you know, the trans and LGBTQ plus communities, you know, you say one thing wrong or you go out of line, you know, especially if you put something in a book, they could tank your reviews or, or they can make your reviews positive.

So it's all, it's almost like that catch 22 there. Um, you know, it can build you up, but it could also

Rhonda Parker Taylor: And you have to be prepared for that. You have to be prepared as an author to handle, you know, tr trolling or, and sometimes people do it for just fun, you know, and that's okay. Don't take it personally. What I wanna know is how I can improve my product, you know, you know, get, send me an email. If you see something, send me, you know, that's fine.

I wanna, I wanna know how I can better serve the reader. So that they actually get something out of what I've done. Because what better way of a reward to know that, Hey, somebody could sit down for a weekend. and read my book and maybe forget about, you know, the, you know, the, the bills that are stacking up because they've been sick, or maybe, you know, the fact they can sit there quietly where their, you know, their children are asleep and that's their entertainment without.

Waking them up, whatever it is that brings them that pleasure, that makes them pick up that book. If I can make it each time a little bit better, and I can learn not only from myself, because I'm not the scholar of the world that knows everything. Someone can tell me like, um, Hey, you know, if you did, if you had just done this.

I would have gone hook, line, and sinker. And then I would be, oh, you know what, next book I can do that. So I like the feedback that makes me better.

Rob Valincius: What's, uh, what's a book tour like? Like, is it something you, obviously you schedule out these things? Is it done by yourself or do you have, like, you know, a management company that sets these things up for you and you kind of

Rhonda Parker Taylor: there's two ways you can do it. You can hire a, uh, a publicist. Um, the thing with publicists is they're expensive. So, first book, first book, I wouldn't even suggest it. Wait, what I would suggest is that you get in there and talk to every bookstore in your state. And they're going to give you the same answer, especially if you're self published.

If you're self published, they're going to say, we can't buy your book. If you're hybrid published, they're going to say, well, maybe we can buy your book. If you're a traditional publisher who says, well, if our distribution center has it, I can order it. So you're going to get the same thing no matter, because you're the first time author.

Rob Valincius: Yeah.

Rhonda Parker Taylor: if you get in there and you get to know the managers and the people that are in there, They want local authors to thrive, just like you want to thrive. And they will support you. They may first make you take a, um, what they call a consignment deal. Which is, you bring your own books and they get a split for it.

But where else are you going to be able to sit somewhere? For five hours, four hours or whatever, and talk to readers and sell 25 30 books. You're not as a first time author gonna do that on Amazon, right? So, you could do that. And then the second time, if you sit there and you sell all your books, and you make sure that everything runs right, and you make the experience good for the, for the, Customer, they're gonna bring you back and they'll probably order them for you.

So it's all about your attitude and it's going back to realizing that it's not about you as the author. That's a big step. You make the accomplishment of doing it and your ego goes up this big. You finally accomplished it. You got it, you know, in print. And, you know, then all of a sudden the reality hits and the reality is That the person that holds the key is the reader and the bookstores.

So then you have to say, okay, I have to partner with these people to make sure that I give them the best read that I can and the best experience every time they see or hear from me. And then, yeah, you're gonna make some mistakes, but You're going to get more successes though. It may take you talking to the same bookstore five, six, seven, eight times.

I have some that I still can't get in, but you know what? One day they will. And that's what my attitude is that one day you'll, you'll be calling me instead of me calling you.

Rob Valincius: So, so I work, I work for a brokerage and insurance. And, uh, you know, when I started there, I was in sales and it's a lot of cold calling. And it's funny, my, the owner of our companies, he's worth millions. He's, you know, very successful, uh, awesome, awesome guy. He, um, he would only take calls from people and you got to remember he's.

He's like pretty much above getting like calls from just a regular Joe and sales from a small company where we're pretty large and he would only return calls and, and he would typically politely tell them no, but he would return calls or answer calls from people who have called him 15, 20 times. Um, and he would either tell them no, or, you know what, send me some info and I'll take, you know, I'll take a look at it.

And, um, you know, I think that resiliency. Is important when you're trying to, you know, bring to life something new, like it's the same thing with, with podcasting and a lot of what you're saying is because you're, you're a creative, right? You're, you're trying to bring something, uh, you're trying to entertain people.

Um, when there's a million other podcasts, there's a million other books that they could be reading. So it's, it's finding a way to draw those people in and a lot of it is back to just old school grassroots marketing. Just talking to people and it's tough for people to do that

Rhonda Parker Taylor: it's it's hard and sometimes you'll be like you put your own fear in yourself Oh, I don't want to call them up, you know, and you get yourself all worked up Just pick up the phone and call or go into the store and realize they're people just like you Just because they're holding your dream in their hands Don't get scared now.

You already did it, right? So you you do that and you're right. It's It's just marketing. It's just selling yourself and you're selling what you've spent your time and effort doing. So feel proud about it and be willing. Have that elevator speech. A lot of people don't know what that is that are just artists.

An elevator speech is your pitch. What is your pitch? How are you going to get people to buy your book? In 30 seconds, summarize it.

Rob Valincius: And that's the thing with the elevator pitch, right? It's got to be short and sweet. So that 30 seconds or less.

Rhonda Parker Taylor: book signings. If they don't know you and they're like, okay, I'm going to stop and talk to the, you know, the author that's at the table. How are you going to captivate them? Now, if they're from Indiana, I already have my pitch. Hey, it's an Indiana based crime thriller.

It's got sites that you'll recognize. All the sites are real. But it's a, it is a fiction crime. It is not true crime. And then I said, the sites you might recognize is the Monument Circle, Holiday Park, the Mayor's office, and the dead bodies dropped on 38th and Guyana on the railroad tracks. They either want more or they're like, not my thing.

And that's okay if it's, don't be offended. I had the sweetest lady that said, you know, was saying, Oh, I only read happy things. And I thought, well, I'll write you a happy one. And then, and that's what I thought, you know, that she was the sweetest lady and she, and I enjoyed that. The conversation, I enjoyed the little puppies in the, that she had in, in a, um, baby stroller that she went through Barnes and Noble with.

I enjoyed my whole experience talking to her about which books she liked and which ones, you know, she, she didn't and why. And I really, you know, you look at it as an experience then. But you have to look at the business part of it. If you're at a convention and you go up to an author's booth and they can't tell you about the book, it must not be that thrilling.

Rob Valincius: Yeah, that'd be pretty sad. That would definitely be pretty sad. But there is a lot of people. Um, there, I, I feel like you get two sides to the coin, right? It's like you have people that are very creative and they create something good, but they have no idea how to promote them themselves, what

Rhonda Parker Taylor: Then bring it

Rob Valincius: And then you have. Right? Then you have some people who are really good at sales that are terrible creatively. But sometimes there's people that are really good at sales with a really crappy creative product can sometimes sell themselves in to selling that

Rhonda Parker Taylor: So if you, if you just can't do it, it's just not in your makeup, because you know, I, I coach people. So some, some people you write, they just don't have it. Then find a way. Do you have someone that will go with you on those occasions? That can be your assistant, that can sell, that can talk to them and say, Oh, by the way, she's, she's, she or he is signing today if you buy one.

So you can flip it in a way that you're still, but you got to be able to talk about the product. You know, the book, the story, what is it that you're wanting people to learn? You wrote it for a reason. And if you can't do it live, then create a little video. A lot of people do videos. See, and I'm the opposite.

I'd rather talk one on one with a person and tell y'all about the book and hear about what kinds of things you've been reading than put a camera to my face and tell me to read, read the, you know, a two minute read of the book. I turn into the little first grader that's reading the victory drill book in front of the class, you know, so we all have our strengths and weaknesses and know, know what works for us.

Rob Valincius: Cameras can be, um, sometimes very intimidating because, um, and maybe it sounds like you and I are kind of similar. Um, I'm a, I don't mind publicly speaking. I don't mind talking to people, especially if I know what I'm talking about. Uh, sometimes you get a bullshit though. I'm, I'm relatively good at that, but I

Rhonda Parker Taylor: Uh, you look like,

Rob Valincius: about.

Um, I was, I was good at sales to a certain degree. I just, I was never good at asking for the check. I was very good. And it's funny, uh, to kind of go on a side thing here, but I, in my job, I'm, I'm a trainer. It's what I do too. So, um, I found that. As I was selling, I was, my, my owner found that I was really, I was much better, not just at getting people on the hook, but teaching them what they needed to know.

And that's, that's the one thing I found that I'm really good at. Uh, and I have a lot of patience because, you know, I, I work in, in Medicare and I work with a lot of older people. And you need patience, uh, with some of these people because especially with, with technology, they have no idea what they're doing.

Um, you know, but.

Rhonda Parker Taylor: They did a documentary, and it was a great documentary, anybody that loves music, it was on Luther Vandross the other day, and they were talking about how, you know, that when you were dating, you know, they'd let Luther do the talking for them, and put, and allow, you know, put the, put the phone up to the music, or put the record on the record player, or whatever it may be.

It was great. It was great. And you gotta look at the, the technology boost we've had. You know, most of, I feel like I'm behind and I, you know, and I, I'm working with technology every day.

Rob Valincius: Yeah, it will to go back I think you and I operate similar in that I need when I'm giving a presentation or talking to a group of people I need feedback visual audio Audio feedback, and that's how I know if I need to pivot if I need to you know Kind of pinpoint on one thing, but when you're doing Um, something over the, a camera, especially if it's, you, you're not with anybody, you're just recording.

It's like a, it's a weird thing, I, I feel like you need a certain set type of personality that can really handle that. Um, I, I, I've, I've found that for me, like I don't mind it. Especially now, because I've done so much of it. Um, I just prefer the being in front of people. Because I can, I know where, like if someone's dozing off in the back, I know that I need to be more excitable.

You know, or, um, if it looks, because you can see if someone's puzzled or may have a question. You can't tell any of that when you're doing it in front of

Rhonda Parker Taylor: right, right. It's exactly right. Yeah. And I feel like, especially if there's nobody around or like, like on a podcast, at least I'm talking to somebody, but if I just put the camera up there and I'm getting ready To do a little spiel, I'm like, all of a sudden, I freeze out and can't remember anything.

I'm like, I talk all day long. I never have a problem talking. All of a sudden, it looks like some kind of robot that took over me.

Rob Valincius: Yeah, it's, it's, uh, it's a, it's a unique thing and, and hopefully, you know, look, I, I, I think, um, I think people do need to get better. It's, it's funny. I was, uh, you know, I'm a tick tocker, so I like to flow through and watch millions of different videos when I'm, when I got 20 minutes or, um, you know, mindless stuff, you know, and I, I saw a video, a guy had, uh, so on tick tock, it's like, um, A duo, duet?

I forget what the hell they call it. A stitch. Stitch. Um, they stitched the video and it was a girl complaining that, uh, no guys ever approach her at the bar. Like, it doesn't exist anymore. And she said, where are these guys? And then the guy, like, hit stitch and he goes, well, we don't want to be labeled as a, as a creep.

Because apparently, you know, for a while it's like, You know, it was okay and then it wasn't okay because if you were, you know, buying a girl a drink at the bar like, you know, when I was me, me and my fiance been together for 14 years now, but we, we hung out at bars and you know, like that's my friends.

That's what they would do to as an in to talk to girls, you know, and then it got to a point and I don't know if it was the me too thing or if it was right around there, but got to a point where, all right, if you, if you come up to me at a bar, you buy me a drink, you're a creep. Yeah. So then guys stopped doing it.

So now people are like saying they were, you know, they were complaining about it. It's like, well, I don't want to be labeled a creep, you know, so I'm not going to go out of my way to embarrass myself, especially when a lot of times people aren't sitting at the bar alone. There were friends, you know, so it's like, Oh, that guy over there, he's a creep, you know, that the point, you know, and, um, it's, it's just, it's funny how technology has kind of changed, uh, the way we interact with people.

Rhonda Parker Taylor: really has. It has changed us in a good way and in a bad way, obviously, too, depending on what it is. It's transformed our culture is what,

Rob Valincius: It's true. It's true. Now, um, for your book, is there any, um, is there any personal experiences that you injected into that, that, that you think is, uh, like noteworthy to talk about, like, it doesn't have to be

Rhonda Parker Taylor: like I said, all of them. So like a lot of people say, well, where did you get Paris from? Which is the main character. And I would say it's every mentor because she's just too perfect. And when I was in business building myself, all the women that were above me and then that mentored me, they. were like the epitome of perfect.

You know, they, they, I, I, I wanted to absorb everything about them. So I would say that the business part is, um, definitely part, I would say, um, like I said earlier, the. Although I never was found, um, dead on the, on a railroad track, I did have someone pull a knife on me once, so it allowed me to explore what, the what if.

Like I said, it allowed me to do some things like, what would have happened if that person had killed me? And, you know, so I brought the police in, so I really explored, well, when the police come, what happens? Well, the first one might be seasoned, the next one might be a rookie. And then what's their experience seeing a young, you know, 15 year old, you know, dead, you know, and Go through those emotions with the police and with the families and how they might react.

Um, the, um, the co defendant, I never was a co defendant for a crime, but I have made, like all of us, befriended people, stayed friend loyal too long and very well could have been in a situation where you know, maybe Take it had to take a charge because I was in you know in that kind of situation um

Rob Valincius: Definitely been there.

Rhonda Parker Taylor: been on a jury before for a, for a, you know, in court.

So I, I knew what this, so yeah, every piece has a little bit about, about me or something that I thought about. So when I was like working in a crime, um, crime watch unit, I monitored the proceedings in court and documented. when things were equal or maybe the sentence was too long or was different than another judge was doing and we would turn the reports in.

So I had that, that background. And then what I didn't know, like the hardest thing for me to write was, A kid that the kid that called in that he'd seen the body. How do you what does that kind of person sound like? You know when they call, you know, and how do you make them sound, you know to write the so I literally Um, became a subscriber to one of these, um, online things where you can sit there and listen to 911 calls and listen to one right after another, after another, until I heard one that was so horrifying.

But it gave me what I wanted to, you know, what I needed to make it sound real and, and it was, you know, an, an elderly lady calling. And, and this, the. The horror, the stuttering, the not able to give directions, and not answering questions. So I was able to relate then, to how someone would be if they had, you know, if they were in that situation.

Rob Valincius: That's cool. I feel like not many first time writers would do something like that. So you obviously did a lot of a lot of research and you didn't just wing it. You, you wanted it to be as real

Rhonda Parker Taylor: As real as I can have made it, you know, I, I, I am. A suburban, you know, young woman at that point, you know, and I think, you know, I even rode around with the, with the police that would allow me to, in a, in a small community, never saw a murder, but I did see how they interacted, you know,

Rob Valincius: And that's important. That's important. Cause I think there's a lot of people that don't

Rhonda Parker Taylor: it's like, it's like watching a football team, really it is, they have to, all they have to offer is their, their own physical presence.

You know, they can't make the decision for the other person. They can't help the mental health wise. They can't do anything but give them humor or give them things to do or to get, you know, some kind of bantering that you would often see on maybe a football team when they're going through two a days in the middle of the summer.

Rob Valincius: Interesting. Wow. Um, all right, let's, let's shift a little bit to, um, some of your other backgrounds. Um, you know, you did a lot of research on emotional intelligence. Um, can you, can you, um, pretend and, you know, I have a lot of young listeners. Can you pretend like I am a little kid and I've never heard of emotional intelligence.

Can you explain to us like, you know, what that is from a, like a top

Rhonda Parker Taylor: Oh, gladly. First of all, everybody tells you that your IQ is the only thing that matters. Your grades. They're lying.

Rob Valincius: Heh heh heh

Rhonda Parker Taylor: IQ has an equivalent, um, score, which is EQ. Which is emotional quotient, which is emotional intelligence. Left brain versus right brain. You have your reasoning skills that your, that your IQ does, which is your math, your sciences, etc.

Then you have your personal skills, which is your EQ, which is your intra personal skill, which is like your self regard. Your self awareness, your ability to control emotional outbursts. Then you have your interpersonal, which is your social aspect. Do you have empathy for others? Then you have your stress management.

Are you always running off anytime something's stressful? Or can you face it? You know, and then you have your general mood. It has been found, and this is a best kept secret by all the people like me that teach, but that, I was never known to be the brightest one in the bulb, the brightest bulb in the bunch. So I've Was fearful of the education world. I have a doctorate now. How did that happen? The reason is I, I read Daniel Goldman's book on emotional intelligence and it says that it doesn't matter what your IQ is, it's your EQ that makes you successful. You can ha and think about the premise, and this is kind of a stereotype of the most intelligent people that don't have any.

regular skills because they're so highly intelligent they can't practice human, the human aspects of, um, working with others and things like that. So EQ is the, is the ability to work and navigate your own emotions and control the emotions in the room to get things done. Through those steps that I just told you, your intra, interpersonal, your stress management, and your general mood.

If you can, if you can increase, there's actually 21 characteristics, but they're in those four categories. If you can be more empathetic, if you can put yourself in other people's shoes, if you can be self aware of your own biases, And make sure that you don't make the, you know, the decisions based on those, that you're considering everything.

Because sometimes we get narrow, narrowly focused. Then you can be as successful as anybody else.

Rob Valincius: That's interesting. Yeah, I've never had anyone break that down like that for me before. Um, and I guess, would it be almost like, um, you have people that are book smart and street smart? Is that kinda, you know, that was the old school way of looking

Rhonda Parker Taylor: Right. It's exactly that. It's the ability to navigate the world. It's

Rob Valincius: Yeah, because there's a lot of smart people that, that Are not good with Was reading the room, you know, I've seen that happen a

Rhonda Parker Taylor: and that's exactly what emotional intelligence helps you do. You know your place. You know not to put your, it's like so many times we want to make cookie cutters of ourself. When you make cookies at Christmas time, you, you have all, you got a little cutter. And you do all your Christmas trees, your stars, your hearts, whatever they may be.

And you, and you decorate them all the same. And then when you do that, you're eliminating diverse views. And then when I say diverse, I'm not just talking, you know, cultural, I'm talking about, it could be even in, in a business platform. It could be accounting versus operations. You know, if you don't have those diverse views and you're not listening and controlling people's fears and emotions, then you're not going to get anything done.

People are going to resist every change that comes in every new product that comes in. They're gonna, they're gonna resist it because You haven't taken the time to get the buy in.

Rob Valincius: now is Emotional intelligence. Let's look at it from a business perspective is emotional intelligence It's obviously gonna be different right between you know, your regular worker and say like your CEO your leader You know, what does that difference look

Rhonda Parker Taylor: Well, actually, it's more on the basis of their openness to experience. So it's not a level thing. You can have someone that's at an entry level position that has very high emotional intelligence. And you really want to groom those people for leadership. You need to get your hands on them and start giving them the skills.

They just may not have the skills yet to be in a, in a manager or a senior management position. Emotional intelligence is the ability to get things done through not only self. Expressions, but others expressions and emotions and when, so you could have an entry level present person with a high emotional intelligence if they've taken the time to develop their, um, intra inter at general mood and their, um, stress management, what you normally will find on the lower levels is people that might have only a few characteristics that are high.

And have the ability to be groomed to the other characteristics to be hired. I'll give you an example of a domestic leader. That was a CEO that, um. I knew personally that took the emotional intelligence test with me. I used to always tell him all the time, you need, you need to develop more empathy for people.

Because he had that buckle up, buckle up, buttercup mentality to everybody. Everybody, you know, is a fate to who and what decisions they've made. Which in some cases is true, but in other cases it's not. He took the emotional intelligence test, and he had a very high emotional intelligence quotient, but he almost got a zero in the empathy test. And he said, you were right. I said, I told you I was right. The thing is, is each one of those characteristics can also be built upon. You know, your regard for self, you can build, you know, ways of doing that. Your self awareness, you can do some journaling and start paying attention to how you feel about things.

You know, you can actually, you know, um, Start practicing being more assertive. That's that's a characteristic Um, you can do you know some self action

Rob Valincius: I'm not good at that. I'm not good at that.

Rhonda Parker Taylor: Couldn't be a podcaster

Rob Valincius: and for me, I like, I'm very aware at this point what I'm good at and what I'm not. So at least I know, and I'm, yeah, there's plenty of plenty of shit I'm sure that I can work on. But I know for sure, assertiveness is not one of my strong

Rhonda Parker Taylor: I would say it depends on how you're saying assertive. Are you able see assertive is not being Bold see that's where people think that you gotta run in there and say is my way or the highway. That's that's What that is, is showing no emotional intelligence, because when you're having a transactional relationship like that, what you're doing is you're putting your ideas on others.

Assertiveness is the ability to form opinions. And express them when there's tension in the room.

Rob Valincius: I'm not actually bad at that. Okay. All right. All

Rhonda Parker Taylor: assertiveness is getting things done through expression and listening to others, also in the emotional, emotional intelligence aspect of things. Because when you, when you're assertive, you want everybody's opinion. If you're emotionally intelligent. Individuals because you don't want your opinion only to be the one that matters you want Everybody so for instance, you'll want to know what the accounting department was once and you want to know what sales needs And you don't want to know what the data that tells us in the data some people want to shove that all away because that makes means that they Have to do something assertiveness is is is finding the solution to the problem

Rob Valincius: Interesting. I guess, uh, that would make sense because you have a lot of, like, I, I'd imagine, like, IQ and EQ play a huge role, um, with NFL draft players because they, they do a lot of that stuff. And, uh, you, you know, uh, they have their own, their own grading scale of, of how they come out. And, uh, you've, I've seen people score incredibly low.

With their IQ because I guess they're just flying through, um, you know, I've taken the test. It's, you have to do, it's like 50 questions and you have to do it in 10 minutes, I think, but some of it's like, it's pretty hard stuff to like, and no calculator or nothing. You have to do a lot of that stuff off the top of your head.

And, um, you know, there's been people that score pretty low, but I'm guessing they score pretty high. With

Rhonda Parker Taylor: right.

Rob Valincius: and, um, you know, you like, uh, the, I don't know if you follow football, but, uh, the quarterback for the Texans, he had like one of the worst, uh, I think it was an iq. I think he got like some crazy low score, but he's, you know, he's a top 10 quarterback in the league, you know, so there's, you know, it's, it's, it'd be interesting to see,

Rhonda Parker Taylor: interesting to see his eq because most likely he's able to handle stress probably under

Rob Valincius: yeah.

Rhonda Parker Taylor: He's able to hear what other people say. He probably has empathy for others. Maybe, maybe not so much on that one. But you know, and he has to be able to get the best out of the rest of the team.

So he has to have their personal and intrapersonal skills.

Rob Valincius: yeah, he, he, uh, one of their receivers snapped his leg. It was a gruesome injury on, like, very public TV, and he was, like, crying hysterically, so, uh, yeah, I think it was his friend, but, um, so, you're also an entrepreneur, right? You founded, uh, Intelligent Solutions, so that's like a, you know, if you want to tell us a little bit about, you know, what you do on that

Rhonda Parker Taylor: So Intelligent Solutions is a consulting organization and what I do is I Typically, my normal client is someone that's in transition. I founded it when I was in transition. I worked in academia, I ran a college campus and my adopted son was working and he was shot and killed. And

Rob Valincius: Oh,

Rhonda Parker Taylor: coming back to the same, to an environment that, you know, was the same age group was very difficult for me.

So I'm like, what value do I have, which is training and development and how can I Use that value but not put myself through the agony when I was in the grief cycle You know This was in 2009 and I realized that we've talked about the difference in technology Many people hadn't been keeping up with how to look for a job how to do career changes jobs were changing all of these different Processes, you know that were changing and they needed to be brought up to speed, whether it be through skills, skill assessments and getting them ready for their next move.

So I did that, um, is where I started first. And then I also started doing, um, consulting on the college level for dissertations and capstone projects, et cetera. And it just worked out. It married very well where I could take my skill sets in academics and become a coach to help people. Be the best versions of themselves.

And that's, and that's what I try to do. I try, I call it their story of success. Everybody has a story of success. Some people don't realize that they even have one, but when you look at their resume, maybe, you know, maybe they're looking at, this is just a job, but then you look at the longevity and maybe, and what they've been doing, and you can create this story of success that they can build upon then go on into the next season of their life.

Rob Valincius: Yeah, because you do have, I think, I think social media plays a role in a lot of that too. It's like, I don't have any successes. Like, look at this person, look at all they're doing, but you don't see the background of that. And a lot of it, that is their success is just showing you that, that version of themselves, but off the camera, they're a totally

Rhonda Parker Taylor: Exactly, and you know, when you think about somebody else's life, it's okay to compare to improve yourself. And like, I, I want to do this, so these are the steps that they got there. But it's biblical. They say, anger is cruel, fury is overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy? Envy makes the bones rot.

Think about how sturdy of a statement that is. Envy makes the bones rot. That means if I'm comparing myself so much so that I deteriorate how I feel about self, I've become my own cancer.

Rob Valincius: Yeah, your sense of self is really important. Um, you know, and, and I think I always try to, to tell people, you know, um, you're going to go through different types of yourself. What you are now is probably not what you're going to be maybe tomorrow or a year from now, right? It's, we all go through it and I'm a totally, you know, I used to have your foundational self, but I think you do.

Change and, um, you know, sometimes it's for the better, sometimes it's for the worse, but that's all in the eye of the beholder in a lot of those, those cases. Um, now you do all this stuff, you're an entrepreneur, you know, you, you got your book, you do your book, you're traveling to different bookstores and things.

How do you balance all this stuff with your personal life and, and your

Rhonda Parker Taylor: Well, what you, what you have to do is you have to decide one day when you, what you're going to do with your phone. You have to have just downtime. You just, you schedule and luckily I work out of my home. So, you know, I can do that, but you have to make it a conscious effort to that you're going to do, you know, X or Y, you know, you're going to have a date night, you're going to do, you know, whatever it is.

And, and you just stick to it. You know, it's, it's not that hard to stay balanced. You can open up your blinds and look outside and get some sunlight. You can go outside and see whether it's cold or warm. And look at, you know, look at the wildlife that's running through. You can take a short walk down the street.

It doesn't have to be five miles. You know, it can be a couple of miles. You can call when you're driving, you know, the person you haven't talked to in a while to stay caught up. You can send texts, you know, you, you just, you just kind of fit in it, you make it, make it simple. It doesn't have to be that you're going to the Caribbean, although we all want to go there.

Rob Valincius: Yeah, I, I do agree with you and, and, um, you know, time. Time is

Rhonda Parker Taylor: Mm hmm.

Rob Valincius: You it's you're constantly going against it. Um, so I, I think if, if you're cognizant of that, um, you know, and, uh, I, I was watching a, uh, kind of like a motivational video, but I was talking about, you know, Okay, so you don't live with your parents.

You see them. Um, you, you visit, say you visit them twice every summer or

Rhonda Parker Taylor: Mm hmm.

Rob Valincius: right? Or you visit them on Thanksgiving and Christmas every year. Well, you know, if you do the math, if the average life expectancy is, uh, you know, we'll say, you know, women live longer than men. So we'll say 80 for women and your mom is 65.

Um, you have 30 times left of seeing your mom before she's passed away, and it could be more. It could be less, but when you look at it from that perspective, you're like, oh, shit, you know, or, um.

Rhonda Parker Taylor: it in

Rob Valincius: Yeah. Uh, someone else that I had on the podcast, they were talking to me about

Rhonda Parker Taylor: Mm hmm.

Rob Valincius: Um, uh, Jim's barbecue, you know, he was up in, uh, the Midwest at, uh, Sturgis.

And he was saying an old man was talking to him and he said, well, you know, if you're, you know, um, If you, if the life expectancy for a guy is, we'll say 70 and, uh, you know, your summers don't matter much, we'll say from 20, you don't really remember much, say under 20 or whatever. And you're 40, well, you got 30 summers left.

So you gotta make, you gotta make them worth it. You know, and, um, I thought it was wild to look at it from that perspective. I never really thought

Rhonda Parker Taylor: so what I did and I started doing this when I was younger. So this is my next book coming out it's a journey to life balance and What I started doing in my 20s is I would take some time off and I would buy all the self help books And I would sit there and I would make you know, all the different dreams that I want and I would write them out and do goals one year, three year, five year goals in all the areas.

I call them the 13 dimensions, spirituality, your health. Your, um, emotions, all, you know, all of them. I'd write them all out and I'd plan it all out. Just what you're saying. You don't have that many years left. No, none of this, even if you're 19, you don't have that many years left. So if you plan it, Then you'd get it done.

If you're sitting there watching TV in 25, and that's your 25th thing of enjoyment, then you're not getting life satisfaction. If you, if you, if it's music that brings you satisfaction, put the music on.

Rob Valincius: Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's wild when you put a number on it. Um, and, and I encourage people to do that. And when you see how many things are left. It'll kind of freak you out a little bit. We'll leave it at that, but Um, look, it was a pleasure having you on. Um, you know, you brought a lot to the table. Um, you know, you made me definitely think about emotional intelligence.

I thought I wasn't assertive, but I'm walking away going, Huh, maybe I am. You know, uh.

Rhonda Parker Taylor: a, you're gonna do it my way. You're not in,

Rob Valincius: Yeah.

Rhonda Parker Taylor: bust things down, you know, punch something in the face because you want something done. It's not transactional. What it is, is it's the ability to pull out others. Perspectives and bring your own perspective to come to to a way of making decisions

Rob Valincius: That's, that's definitely, uh, I'm going to not think of assertiveness in the same direction. Uh, and I appreciate you for that. So, uh, tell everybody where they could find your content, your book, anything you got coming up so that we can make sure you get

Rhonda Parker Taylor: Okay, so you can find me on at my website ronda parker taylor. com Everything on social media is the same too ronda parker taylor. com I try to make things very simple because i'm kind of simple minded myself Like I said, it wasn't the brightest bulb in the bench. So I have to Make it easy for me too. I can remember it and everybody else can too.

And yeah, shoot, shoot me an email. Tell us how we, how you liked the podcast. Can't wait to hear from everybody. And make sure that you realize that you're doing some of those things we're talking about right now. You're using a resource, a podcast. To get ideas, thoughts, if you have an idea for a book, write it.

Don't let people hold you back. One page a day and it's done in a year.

Rob Valincius: Love it. Love it. Um, my podcast is Drink O'Clock Pod on all socials, Drink O'Clock Podcast anywhere. You know, at this point it's everywhere. Uh, and we'll have it up on YouTube too, probably at some point once I get around to it. So, um, thank you so, so much for taking the time out of your day to hang out.

And, uh, let's do this again soon. Maybe when you're another

Rhonda Parker Taylor: There you go. We'll do it. Let's let's keep keep it rolling.

Rob Valincius: Thanks Rhonda.

Rhonda Parker Taylor: you. Bye everybody. Have a good night. 

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